So...he's gone. Not really. Just somewhere around eight hundred miles away with not very much contact.

What do I do?

I've been listening to the music he's given me for the past five hours, trying to make it feel like he's here in some way. I cried myself to sleep last night because I didn't get to hear his voice.

I'm angry.

I want to yell for him not being able to talk to me. For being too busy having fun to take his cell phone along with him and text me every once in a while. Yes. I am angry.

Does he know this? No. And I don't think he will. Because I express my anger in the form of sadness. Tears. I won't tell him that they're tears of anger and frustration. It would just make him feel bad. And I don't want that.

Dear God am I being selfish. I know it. I want him to myself right now. I'm sick...I have a cold, and he's always been there to take care of me. And now he's not.

I feel bad for saying this. I feel bad for saying that I'm angry. It's not all at him...I'm angry at circumstances...and I think I'm scared. While I was crying last night, I was wondering if that's what it would be like in college. But I doubt it. As long as he's not 800 miles away and has his cell phone and a car within a 20 mile radius, life will be good.

But still...I'm back to the being selfish part. I think we all are at some point or another. Especially when it comes to our closest relationships. We're hurt when they don't talk to us or go hang out with other people more than us. They're our boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, closest friend. They're supposed to want to be with us all the time. And even when you know they want to be with you and they're feels like they aren't.

It's so easy to feel alone.

It's so easy to doubt. To feel like the people who love you the most aren't trying hard enough. And that is so wrong. They are trying...and they do love you. I know he loves me and he's trying. But it still hurts.

As the great band Enter Shikari says..."But the walls are closing in/ And you don't appreciate/ That in my hands tonight/ Is where your fate lies/ Her face drains... Stand up, and take a bow you have/ No reasons to celebrate/ You're lost in the labyrinth/ Scream now it's not too late."

It may be the ultimate showing of trust...but I'm stuck in this labyrinth. And my fate is in his hands. And I'm screaming, my love. Show me it's not too late.


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In the lands between the angels and demons sits a girl, struggling toward the light, fleeing the grasp of the foresaken.