Amo Animo

I feel like I'm sleepwalking through this summer. I feel like I'm stuck in this dream world where I cannot interact with anyone.

I'm three hundred miles away. Laying in the bed in the brown room. Crying on the phone because I can't be with my friends. Feeling more alone than ever.

I realized I've failed them. I've failed my friends. I haven't even gone out to hang out with anyone aside from grad parties. I'm always either golfing working or with Steve. I feel like a failure at friendship.

Communication is key. And the only way I communicate with them is through my dreams. I can't tell you how many dreams I've had so far that I was hanging out with friends. Back at school. And have I once picked up the phone and texted them? No. Why would I?

Have I mentioned how stupid I am? Ignorance is my new best friend. To my own vicious destruction of my psyche.

It's summer, stupid. It's the time when we're supposed to be hanging out all the time. Talking. Having fun. And what am I doing? Sitting at home wishing that I felt like I have friends.

It's not your fault, you guys. I'm sorry.

I love you, and I miss you. Hopefully I'll talk to you soon.

Okay...so it's not completely empty.

I still have some good songs.

But the ones that I love the most...the ones that I've been living off of lately...

Gone.

And I can't get them back guaranteed for a week. It seems weird...but I'm crying.

Those songs are my life.

I don't know...

I guess some people would say it's stupid. But I love these songs. They keep me sane. Oh well. It's just a bad day all around.